Chapter 29

Day 136

My day started with the routine and mundane, how could I know that it would progress into life altering?

I made some interesting observations...

Stuffed dog upstairs in the playroom watching TV

Stuffed horse listening to the radio. He changed it to Hip Hop :-P

Teddy Bear is staring at the toilet. Creepy and disgusting!

The dishwasher broke again. After mopping up the big mess and repairing it, I decided to complete upgrading it to unbreakable. 

During the time it took to upgrade, I had a lot of time to think. For the first time ever, I was pregnant for a second time by the same man. This was not my mission; this is not what I set out to do. Why did I allow this to happen? After much whacking on the dishwasher, I was ready to admit to myself: I have fallen for Matt. Why does this scare the hell out of me? Is it because I am afraid he doesn't reciprocate my feelings? Is it because I don't trust him? Or is it because I don't trust in happiness?

Many whacks later on the dishwasher and I knew it is primarily the latter issue. I don't trust in happy endings. How did I get to this point? My childhood was blissfully perfect. I was a cherished child, surrounded by love, gentleness and harmony.  I was a princess that wanted for nothing. My life held a fairy tale quality until the Duthalorian invasion. But I lost it all. In one fell swoop, my family was gone. My home was destroyed. My identity erased or suppressed. I am an alien on a foreign planet. I am being pursued and hunted, for what I assume is my genetic makeup. 

I haven't allowed myself to truly grieve for my losses. For the most part I have simply bottled up my feelings. I don't trust anyone, because they might betray me. I've been hurt. And I have found the hurt to be unbearable. Opening up my heart means opening myself up to the possibility of more pain. What is worse, the pain or the loneliness of never opening up your heart again?

I wrestled with my feelings as I wrestled with the dishwasher. The upgrade was complete. I did it all by myself. I am a capable single mother of twenty-seven children. I can do this on my own. But I don't want to anymore. I want to trust. I want to love. I want happily ever after. But could I be brave enough to reach for it?

Back to the nursery for toddler training with my sweet Cambria. In no time at all this little girl is potty trained and walking.

Next up is learning to talk.

Rawr! I a kitty tat!

When I am certain that Matthew's shift is over for the day, I call and ask him to come over.

He came roaring up the driveway about the same time the boys arrived home from school.

I told Matt he is going to be a daddy again.

He was very pleased.

And then I decided to take a leap of faith and to open up my heart. I asked him to move in.

And he said that sounded like a wonderful idea.

And just like that we were a family.

Matthew brought into our household about $5000 and a drum set that he promptly set up on the balcony. He would have set it up in the living room, but I insisted there wasn't room in there. With my household budget no longer looking so desperate I was able to purchase premium hay for the horses again. Matt went out to spread the hay for me, while I tended to laundry.

Teddy bear is still being a creeper!

Before Matt came back inside, he stopped to play a bit of golf. While he was out there I heard Miska howling. Miska had a birthday and is now an elder dog :-(

After a dinner of leftovers, Matt and I celebrated the end of our first day as a family.

Day 137

Our Saturday began with Perry and Preston's birthdays.

Perry aged up to a teen with the new trait: No Sense of Humor. He already has the traits: Neurotic, Perceptive and Hydrophobic. What. The. Hell.

Next Preston aged up with the new trait: Loser. That fits right in with his other traits: Clumsy, Slob and Shy. Was it something I ate while I was pregnant with these two? Before I could give this much thought or even sit down and eat birthday cake, I went into labor!

And both Perry and Matthew went into some kind of synchronized panic...

It's just a jump to the left 

And then a step to the right

With your hands on your hips 

You bring your knees in tight

I left those two clowns and scurried into my bedroom to labor without distractions. You would think after fifteen previous labor and deliveries, this would get easier. But it is called labor for a reason.

But the end result is worth every contraction. I was blessed with another daughter. I named her Isabella. She was born with the traits: Brave and Eccentric.

Meanwhile, Matt and Perry had calmed down and distracted themselves with golf and playing the drums.

I can't say for certain, but I think this is a second stuffed horse?

I told Matthew the hard, scary part is over. He has another daughter. And we finally got to eat some of the birthday cake from this morning.

Preston, shy thing that he is, had been playing a game all morning on the third floor. I don't think he has warmed up to Matthew just yet.

Then it was back to toddler training for me. Cambria and I worked on her talking skill.

My Miska is old and gray now.

I see the moon, the moon sees me...

...God bless the moon and God bless me.

Momma, when I a big girl, I gonna hire a maid

 

Matt came into the nursery and told me to go and treat myself at the spa. He would stay home and teach Cambria to talk. Do I have the best guy in the universe or what?

After my mani/pedi, I impulsively decided to get a surprise for Matt. Meanwhile, the limo came to pick up Perry and Preston for their prom night.

Is there anything sweeter than a daddy with his baby girls?

When I arrived home, I asked Matt to join me in the hot tub. I wanted to show him my surprise.

I had decided to get a tatt on my lower back that matches his tatts. I've branded myself as his girl now ;-)

We were cuddling in the hot tub when I spotted a strange woman out in the pasture by Keely.

Who is that? Matt explained to me that she is his former love interest, Carol Carter. Is that so? I hopped out of the hot tub, ready to confront the (very uninvited) psycho bitch. But she left before I could get out the door and go after her. He calmed me down and told me that she means nothing to him.

*sigh* Who am I to judge anyone for their past? My past is is a hell of a tale in itself.  If Matt and I are going to have a future, he needs to know everything. I was scared and shaking, but I asked him to go outside with me and watch the stars. I told him that I needed to share some things about my past.

I told him everything. My heart was pounding painfully in my chest the entire time. Would he reject me? Would he betray me?

He didn't reject me. Or think I was psychotic or a pathological liar. He seemed a bit confused at first, but he listened to everything I had to say. Matt told me that he knew I was special, he just didn't realize how special. My past doesn't matter. All the babies I had with various men doesn't matter. He knows that he is the the first guy I have fallen in love with. Yeah, love. We both said the L word tonight.

"I'm number one!" "That's right, baby, you're the king!"

Prom notes: While it was not a perfect night for Perry and Preston, it was a great one overall. Both boys came home smitten and with love interests. I guess their personality traits won't be that big of a hindrance after all.

Day 138

It was a beautiful and glorious Sunday morning.

I invited my older boys to come over so we can celebrate the girls' birthdays.

First up was Cambria. She has now acquired the trait: Computer Whiz.

Never mind that Matt put the baby on the floor LOL

Isabella's birthday was next. She grows up with my hair color and Matt's gorgeous blue eyes. This man makes beautiful babies!

Proud mommy moment: Look they are cleaning up the dishes!

Cambria played peek-a-boo with her baby sister while the brothers bonded. Matt and I chatted in the family room.

Cover your eyes, Bella, Mommy and Daddy are kissing!

Eeeewwww! Gross!

Tell me when it's over...

And then it gets serious...

I want a commitment. I want our relationship to be officially exclusive.

Yes! I want that too!

But that's not all I want...

They are kissing again; quick, hide your eyes!

With the boys happily happily hanging out with their brothers, Matt and I decided to take the girls to the pool. But first we stopped by the wedding chapel to make some plans.

And guess who "just happened" to show up at the chapel?

That crazy cow Carol Carter! I had enough! That nut job is stalking me, my kids, my animals and my man! I confronted her!

Oh, shit! Should I go out there?

Matt managed to calm me down after that confrontation and we proceed to pool for a wonderful evening with the girls.

"Cambria, you are not going to date until you are thirty." "Momm!"

Nom, nom on the shark...

Tell me a ghost story, Dad.

This is the best day ever, Mom.

It sure is, honey.

All too soon the girls were tired. It was time to get them home and put them to bed. Tomorrow is Cambria's first day of school. At home Matt put the girls to bed, while I soaked in a bubble bath. That man spoils me rotten.

No, Dada, I not sweepy...

Methinks otherwise. He didn't even have time to turn the swing on before she was out LOL

You're supposed to be getting her quiet and in bed, Matthew!

Goodnight, sweetheart.

Sweet dreams.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Random gnome shots from the day. I've never had gnomes in my game before and I am very amused by them. I think they are multiplying and she has about 6 now.