Chapter 35

Day 156

People look at me and assume I am weak or a pushover. But they are wrong. Toting toddlers is an amazing upper body workout. I didn't pry the gun out of her hand, but I got the best of her in our fight. Carol was groaning and I was about to grab the gun from her, even if it meant a second round. But then she said something really stupid, "I will never stop trying until you are all dead."

So I pushed her.

I don't know how long I stood there. I caught my breath and still I stood there, waiting and watching and making sure that bitch didn't twitch. I pondered my predicament. I was in a dress and high heels. I had no idea how far from town I was. And the key to Carol's car were in her jacket pocket. I needed to call a friend. So I called the only person I thought I could count on for assistance in this situation. And while I waited, I hoped I hadn't called the wrong person.

I told Drake everything that had occurred. Almost everything. I left out the whole shoving-off-the-cliff part. I figured that information would tip the scales from protecting-my-baby-momma to I'm-a-cop-gotta-do-the-right-thing mode.

Drake's face was rather stoic as he listened to me. I grew somewhat anxious wondering if this would end up with me in handcuffs and not in the fun way.

Drake was quiet as he stared down at Carol. I fidgeted and tried to keep my mouth shut while he thought things through.

It didn't take very long before Drake reached a decision. He told me to take his car and drive it home. I should go straight to bed and not breath a word of any of this to anyone. He would take care of Carol and her car. We would talk about this later.

I took the his keys from him and drove away. It took me a few minutes to get my bearings and realize which direction I should be driving in. But I didn't drive straight home. I couldn't. I had questions that needed answering.

When I arrived at Carol's house I was determined to get in, even if I had to break a window in order to accomplish this. But I lucked out and found a house key in the flower box to the left of the door.

Carol's old dog was snoozing on the couch. I felt responsible for trying to figure out what to do with him.

I glanced through the downstairs and searched her desk. I didn't find any clues pointing to the son she claimed to have birthed.

Next I headed upstairs hoping to glean some information confirming or denying her claims.

At the top of the stairs, I found and searched Carol's bedroom. Again, I did not discover any evidence.

Searching the remainder of the upstairs, I found a bathroom, a guest room and a locked door.

Anyone that has raised toddlers is skilled at using a butter knife or screwdriver to open almost any interior door. After a quick trip downstairs to procure an aide, I found myself in a festively decorated child's room with an odd doll sitting on the bed.

My heart sank. This was not what I wanted to see. I looked around for a photo hoping with one last shred of faint hope that the child would not look like Matthew. On the desk was a photo album.

My heart was pounding as I walked over to the desk and flipped it open. What I discovered inside floored me. It was a scrapbook of Carol's insanity. There were many photos of Matt. Photos of Matt and Carol pasted together or obviously photo shopped. There were photos of Carol and Matt while she was "pregnant." Some of these photos were actually of me and Matt only Carol had replaced my head with hers. Then there were "baby" photos, holiday photos, birthday celebration photos all with this rag doll sitting on the bed as if it were a real child. Carol wasn't just vengeful, she was flat out coo coo ca choo. All these years she had been growing more and more mentally unstable. Matt lost his life because of her. I almost lost my life and my girls were next in line. I should have felt sorry for her. But I didn't, because I hated what she had done to us.

I called Drake immediately. When I told him where I was, he sighed heavily and muttered to himself, "Why am I not surprised?" I paced in that little bedroom while waiting for him, half-afraid the scary looking doll was going to stand up and walk towards me. I was relieved when Drake arrived, but I couldn't help but feel guilty for laying even more of my problems on his shoulders.

Once Drake saw all the evidence of Carol's madness, he quickly went into taking charge mode. He would take care of everything. I needed to go home. Really. Go home. No detours or stops anywhere. I needed some sleep. I needed to be far away from this mess. And I needed to plan on leaving town after Cambria's wedding and Isabella's graduation. I tried to protest, but Drake wouldn't budge on this matter. If this blew up, if someone got wind of any part of this... I needed to be very far away.

I felt guilty. What if this did blow up and he took the heat. It would destroy his career and his life. And the triplets would grow up without their father in their life. I could see in his eyes that he cared for me. How much I didn't know, but obviously enough to break the law and cover up a death. I reluctantly walked out of Carol's front door and drove home in Drake's car. It's so strange how the mind works and how adrenaline skewers your view. Driving the long drive home, my heart and mind slowed down. The numbness was wearing off. Everything was starting to sink in and I felt overwhelmed. My life was changing so rapidly, it was taking my breath away.

~ ~ ~

The alarm went off entirely to early for me. I had only managed a few very restless hours of sleep, but I had to get up on time. Today was a big day. We started off with Isabella's birthday. It is so hard to believe she is now a young adult. Her newest trait is a Good Sense of Humor. She got that from her dad. Her Lifetime Wish is to have a perfect garden. I think that is the perfect goal for a vegetarian.

"Isabella, my dear..." "E=mc²"  "Mom, Cambria is doing that smart thing again!"

"Mom loves ME best!"

Thankfully, it was a quiet day. The triplets attended school. I made several phone calls to handle last minute wedding plans for Cambria. I also made discrete phone calls to Drake and to travel agencies. I decided not to tell the girls I am leaving town until after Bella's graduation tomorrow. I even managed to work in a nap to alleviate my lack of sleep.

~ ~ ~

The day flew by and then we were headed for the chapel to get ready for the wedding. I couldn't believe my baby was getting married. My emotions were all over the place. I was elated for Cambria. Her joy was infectious. But my heart contracted every time I thought of Matt. He should have been here to walk Cambria down the aisle.  My mind raced by with what-ifs tumbling this way and that. What if: Matt had never dated Carol, Matt had been sick that day, Carol hadn't been bat-shit crazy... I was driving myself to distraction. All the what-ifs in the world doesn't allow you to go back and change history. I needed to focus on the here and now. I needed to celebrate Cambria's joyful future.

Matrimony is called holy,

because this brave and fateful promise of a man and woman,

to love and honor and serve each other through thick and thin,

looks beyond itself to more fateful promises still,

and speaks mightily of what human life at its most human 

and most alive and most holy must always be.

Every wedding is a dream,

and every word that is spoken there means more than it says,

and every gesture - the clasping of hands, the giving of rings - is rich with mystery.

And so we hope with every bride and groom,

that the love they bear one another,

and the joy they take in one another,

may help them grow in love for this whole world where their final joy lies.*

Parenting children together can offer a bond like no other. So can disposing of dead bodies together.  I think it is safe to say that Drake is my best friend. I am going to miss him.

Cambria is so blessed to have found the love of her life. She and Mike have a bright future together. I regret that I won't be around to see every minute of it, but I know that she will be just fine without me looking over her shoulder.

* from the Hungering Dark by Frederick Buechner

Day 157

I awakened this morning with mixed emotions. This would be my last morning to awaken in this house. My flight would be leaving this evening. Cambria and Mike were still on their honeymoon and wouldn't be returning until later today. I would need to talk to the girls about my plans to leave when she returned home. I didn't have a lot of time to dwell on this because today my Isabella graduated from high school.

Isabella graduated with highest honor and her peers voted her "Most Likely to Save the World"

Once graduation was over I went home with a heavy heart. I spent some time with Dixie Dust. I would be leaving her behind with the girls. Cambria was already talking about buying more horses. Dixie Dust would spend her remaining days here being lovingly cared for. The triplets played still unaware that they would not be sleeping here tonight.

I took some time to myself and drove to the other side of town. I arrived to end my stay in Winter Wonderland in the same place I started out.

I had so much to say to Matthew. I just poured my heart out to him. I told him all about what had occurred with Carol. I told him about Cambria's wedding. And I cried. A lot. Despite the passage of time, my heart still feels shattered. I just can't leave him behind; I will be taking him with me wherever I go.

Slowly I drove home. My chest tightened when I saw the sun setting behind my house. I love this place and I am not looking forward to telling my girls that I am leaving. 

Cambria and Mike had arrived home and were hanging out in the hot tub. 

I asked to speak to Cambria and Isabella in the kitchen. 

I told the girls that I was taking the triplets and going on an extended trip. I told them I wanted the three of them to stay here and enjoy this house and follow through with their plans and dreams. They will build careers, buy new horses and maybe even start families here in Winter Wonderland. I would come back after a while, but right now I needed a change of venue. The memories here overwhelmed me. I missed the beaches and warm climate. They were surprisingly supportive and did not protest at all. I think they held the belief that my getting away could help heal my broken heart.

All to soon it was time for good-bye hugs and gifts.

I packed up a few pictures and mementos to take with me.

And then it was time for me to go.